one of those days

I'm having one of those days. You know, the kind where it's raining and dreary and you are about to welcome a speaker for a class you are pretty sure no one will show up for, and also you screwed up and double-booked yourself on a Sunday and had to admit your foolish mistake because there was no way out of it, and also you're suffering from pretty serious jet lag. You know, one of those days.

At text study today, we got into a discussion about general lack of participation in our churches. It seems to be something of an epidemic at the moment, people saying how much they want a certain program, or class, or worship opportunity, but then never actually showing up for the stuff you put together. This gets old. Fast. Because of my jet lag, I woke up at 5:00am this morning with DOOM, DOOM thoughts running in my head - this is the sort of thing I usually do at 3:00am, when it's possible to go back to sleep and then wake up and realize what an idiot you were, but when you do it at 5:00, there's not much time to clean the slate. So I got up, and I'm still spinning in a vortex of worry and frustration.

It's partly exhaustion, for sure, but it's also the trail end of the honeymoon period in New Congregation. They just don't show up for the stuff I do at the rate they show up for the stuff my colleague does. He's been here 25 years, so this makes a lot of sense when you look at it from a purely objective perspective (at which, let's face it, I suck). And right now a few no-show-things are coinciding, along with the jet lag, which makes me much more negative than I really am.

Sometimes the minutiae of ministry - the administrative stuff, the human-resources stuff, the petty arguments and the anxieties and the ego bruises and the tiredness - just gets you down. It always passes. Sleep helps, for one thing.

And sometimes you just have to admit that you're having a crappy day. Nothing dramatic; nothing life-altering. Just crummy. This too, shall pass. Soon and very soon, I hope.