I haven't been blogging much lately, for which there are a few legitimate reasons and some not-so-legitimate ones. But, on the off chance that anyone is still reading this, I'd love some opinions on a family situation.
I have two younger brothers, neither of whom attend church. I've always been very cautious about even mentioning that to them, both because a.) my mother mentions it enough for everyone; and b.) my experience is that many people assume pastors will pressure people to go to church, and I don't want to play that role in my family. (Or ever, really.)
A year ago - almost exactly - my middle brother and his wife had a baby girl. Whom we love and adore and cannot get enough of, but whom they did not baptize. This has been hard on my parents, who (in spite of my mom's attempts to get my brothers to go to church) are very generous and progressive Christians and who see faith as the center of their lives. They have not pressured my brother and his wife to baptize their daughter, but she is their only grandchild and I know they are sad that this hasn't happened.
My sister-in-law has not much religious background. Her parents were divorced when she was a teenager, after years of a very rocky and unstable relationship. Her dad, who is a really nice guy and close to my sister-in-law, is not religious at all. Her mom, who is a high-maintenance, demanding, and self-centered crazy lady, is also the Christian in the family. GREAT. She and my sister-in-law don't have a great relationship. When I look at those dynamics, it's no wonder my sister-in-law doesn't have much interest in Christianity - even in spite of the very different example she's seen for ten years in my parents. As a small addition, when my sister-in-law did go to church in her younger years, it was a Baptist church, so there's no tradition of infant baptism in her life anyway, regardless of how she feels about church now.
So. This week is my niece's first birthday, and my brother and sister-in-law decided to have a 'blessing' ceremony for her. They really want me to officiate at it, which I was delighted to do. My first thought was that this is a way for me to participate in something important to them, and to honor their spirituality (my sister-in-law's, really). Although I would love for my niece to be baptized, I really don't think it's appropriate unless her parents take seriously the promises parents make at a baptism - to bring the child to worship, teach them the faith, etc. - but this seemed like a way to keep the door open, just in case. God works in mysterious ways, right?
Then they sent me a copy of the ceremony. And here's where I'm hitting some problems.
It's very nice and Mother-Earth-y, very "will you help her grow to accept her beauty...may she walk in ways of peace and compassion, etc." No problems there. No mention of God, but I'm not interested in forcing that on them.
There's really just one line which grates on me: it's a question for the parents, asking if they will "help her to grow and hold her close" (fine, sounds good), "and let her go when it is time" (okay, all well there), "so that she may know that she alone can complete herself" (uh-oh).
She alone can complete herself? I don't believe that. I think I get what it's supposed to mean - that she doesn't have to have a boyfriend, or husband (or wife, if that's the case), or any other person on whom she depends for her self-esteem in an unhealthy way. But I don't think she can "complete herself." I don't think any of us can. And really, although I think I understand what it's supposed to mean in this context, I don't think my brother and sister-in-law believe that either.
Of course, the big reason I don't believe that is because I think the good news of the gospel is precisely that we can't complete ourselves, in spite of all our efforts to the contrary, and that God has already loved us so deeply that we are complete in that love. But that would require me to talk about Jesus, which doesn't seem like a good idea in this context.
For the sake of the family relationships here, I'm going to do this blessing even if I have to cross my fingers behind my back for the "complete herself" part. But while I've been writing this out, it occurred to me that what I could do is talk through my disagreement on that one with them and see if we could re-word that bit. We do have a great relationship, and they did ask for my thoughts on the ceremony, so I think they're open to suggestions.
In other words, after all this explaining, I may just have answered my own question. But I'd love to hear from others. When the spirituality of those you love crashes into yours, what do you do?
