So, I totally broke up with my boyfriend this weekend.

Not really. I mean, not in the actual romantic relationship sense: Beloved and I are doing fine. (Small update on him: we got a new TV on Saturday, so he's happy. It's the small things in life.)

What I did do this weekend was break up with my congregation. And, continuing in the vein of marriage/significant-other-relationship language I've been using about the interviewing, discerning, and leaving process, that's pretty much what it felt like: I dumped my boyfriend this weekend. (I realize the church is more often referred to in female language, but for one thing, that sort of irritates me, and it also throws in a bit of sexual confusion that probably isn't needed at this point.)

It went about as well as it could. The other night, I was watching one of my favorite episodes of Sex and the City, the one where Jack Berger has broken up with Carrie on a post-it note, and then she runs into his friends at a bar, and she unloads on them, shouting all the things she should have said directly to Berger. I can't remember it exactly, but the conversation goes something like this:

Berger's unsuspecting friend: Well, there really is no good way to break up with someone.

Carrie: You know, that's the thing, because there is. Not all women go psycho. All we want is an ending that...honors what we had together and tells the truth about it. And you could try, instead of getting all scared and running away, you could try to talk about that because that's all that women really want. An ending that honors the relationship. So it turns out that actually, BILLY, there is a good way to break up with someone, and IT DOESN'T INVOLVE A POST-IT.

Carrie sits down next to Samantha and Charlotte.

Samantha: That was...interesting.

Carrie (downing a glass of champagne): You think so? We have to get out of here. Immediately.

There are a lot of ways to tell your congregation that you're leaving. (See how this post could have gone all "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover," but I took a different turn.) Some people tell the congregation that they've interviewed someplace. Some people wait until after they've received a call and then tell the congregation that they have an offer. Me, I just wanted to rip off the bandaid in one quick, painful motion. I waited until I had made a decision and then dropped the bomb. Like a post-it, only longer.

It was a whole letter, not just a post-it. And it was, cliches aside, the hardest letter I've ever written. It took me about two weeks to compose it. I wanted to make it the best break-up possible: one that honored what we had together but also let them know it was time to move on.

The thing is, I'm not getting out of here immediately. My last Sunday at Current Congregation will be February 3; my first day at New Congregation will be February 20. (I need some down time inbetween.) So I needed to break up with them BUT still live in the same house for another six weeks. Tricky.

Most of the comments I got were along the lines of, "We're really happy for you but sad for us." And truthfully, I feel both things too: happy and sad, excited and grieving. The best word for Sunday I could find is, "bittersweet." They are my first congregation: my first serious clergy relationship. And don't you always have a place in your heart for your first love? (I mean, unless he/she was a total jerk, but that's not the case here.)

I am relieved that it's out in the open. No more closed-door phone calls; no more furtive trips out of town; no more cheating. The relationship isn't exactly over, but it's coming to a close. I'm glad that Christmas is coming - it gives us all something else (a million things else) to do and think about.

After Carrie unloads on Berger's poor friend in the bar, she decides this day has to be something instead of "the day I got broken up with on a post-it." So she and Samantha smoke a joint on a street corner and Carrie gets sort-of arrested for it. I just want to point out that I decided against distracting myself in this way. Just for the record. Sometimes you have to let things be exactly what they are. This is the weekend that I broke up with my congregation. And it was hard. But we are all okay. And, one of these days, my heart will stop hurting and all that will remain will be the friendships and the great memories of my first love. Not such a bad weekend, all things considered.